I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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