i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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