Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
