I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
