my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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