help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
