if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
