I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
