I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
