just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
