Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
