he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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