You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
