so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
