God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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