From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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