we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
