You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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