Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am midnight drunk by noon
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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