Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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