I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
