my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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