farters have to be the big spoon...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
