He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
