I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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