I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
