I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
