Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
