So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
