HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
