Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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