I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
