i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
