I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
