Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
