I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
