Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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