Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
