I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
