I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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