well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
