I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
