Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
