Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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