:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
