I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
