she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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