Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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