I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
