don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
