I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
