Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
