I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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