FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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