How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm passing your future prison.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
